To Ethan Whipp - “‘Caws’ he ain’t good’n-uff!"...from his father, Albert Cornelius Whipp

 

Just Cause (Caws)

 

Albert Cornelius Whipp

The unknowing captain

Of every fool’s ship

In southern twang

With backwoods slang

Always quick to quip

How it was God, not he

That had failed to equip

His son Ethan with the ability

To do anything 

That would ever be

Of value to society

 

And he’d list the reasons 1 … 2 … 3

Always list the reasons 1 … 2 … 3

And when he would, with drunken drawl

The echoes of the old crow’s call

Resembling that of pesky birds

As he shouted these empty words

 “‘Cause he’s lazy …

‘Cause he’s stupid…

‘Cause his glasses are too thick …

‘Cause he’s crazy …

Caws he’s fat …

Caws his ass is always sick”

 

In Ethan’s head, over time

An insanity defense of self would grow

To ward off those pesky birds

Regain some semblance of self-control

Though only built of mental straw

His very own built-in scarecrow

With its very own thoughts on tending law

In defense against impending caw

 

And he’d list the reasons 1 … 2 … 3

Always list the reasons 1 … 2 … 3

And when he would, with drunken drawl

The echoes of the old crow’s call

Resembling that of pesky birds

As he shouted these empty words

 “‘Cause he’s lazy …

‘Cause he’s stupid…

‘Cause his glasses are too thick …

‘Cause he’s crazy …

Caws he’s fat …

Caws his ass is always sick”

 

Ethan Albert Whipp

With growing strength of scarecrow’s grip

Though only made of mental straw

It is through its eyes he finally saw

A way to stop the incessant caws

That amply provided him with “Just Cause”

To rewrite and enforce new self-defense laws

 

And so his travels have begun

His sanity unravels, comes undone

A path of victims starts with one

Like destinations plotted on a map

And for his first, it’ll be a short trip

Caws he don’t need to travel far

To kill the captain of every fool’s ship

To go back home, he turns the car

To kill Captain Albert Cornelius Whipp